Does my recovery piss you off?

I recently received a polite yet angry email from a gentleman named Dean (his last name was included in his email address but for reasons of anonymity I will not reveal it) who was very upset that I am "blatantly disrespecting the traditions of the program". He was referring to tradition 11 concerning personal anonymity and not mentioning that I am or have been a member of a 12 step group. He wouldn't elaborate on how or where my offense had taken place. I can only assume that he read my book, read my blog or my Sober Conversation Facebook page. He was upset enough to email me about it and wanted to know why I think I'm special and don't have to follow the rules.

This got me thinking about a few things. The first of which is that if no one ever mentioned that they were in recovery, I would not have had the pleasure of reading multiple books about people's experiences in recovery. Nor would I be able to gain insight and support from the hundreds, perhaps thousands of recovery blogs available to me not to mention articles in magazines and Tom Arnold speaking about recovery in Hollywood on Larry King Live. Would it be preferable to only speak of recovery in clandestine meetings that you can't speak of once you leave the building? It's certainly no secret that this nation has a huge problem with addiction, should one of the possible solutions be kept a secret?

Another point Dean's email brought up is the intolerance of some regarding how I maintain my recovery. I've been clean and sober for over 25 years now. I don't attend regular meetings (oops, there I go again mentioning the 12 step program) though I do occasionally speak at the rehab I graduated from. I don't speak about the program, the steps, traditions or how they should find recovery but I do tell them of my experiences and what keeps me sober. So if I don't go to meetings and I don't follow the traditions does it mean that my 25 years aren't valid years of sobriety and that I have no business speaking to anyone about recovery? Am I just a delusional "dry drunk" only moments from relapse because I have done it differently than Dean? If this is true then Dean and others like him will have a full time job monitoring other people's recovery. I certainly hope this doesn't distract them from theirs.

Aaron M. Duke

I'm Clean and Sober. Now What?

Let me start by saying that the last 3 years have truly sucked. I was forced to close my business to avoid losing even more money than I already had, the economy has been terrible and the industry I have spent 20 years in has all but vanished. For years I earned over $100K per year and now after my 41st birthday I'm working for $40K. And in a bizarre twist, my mortgage hasn't gone down at all! Imagine that.

When I'm all done feeling sorry for myself, I remember a few key points; I have a healthy family, I have a home of my own, there are people that would be thrilled to make $40k, and despite all of the bitching and whining I hear, I live in an amazing country.

The most important truth I need to remember is that there would be no job, no wife, no great kids, no baseball team to coach if I hadn't gotten sober so many years ago. I would have been dead. Plain and simple. The fact is that getting clean and sober doesn't change the challenges I have to face, it only changes my ability to cope with them. I am extremely proud of the sobriety time I have accumulated but it only puts me on level ground with the rest of the human race.

I can't imagine going back to the person I used to be. I used to think I was so strong. I used to think that all of the trouble i got into made me tough but I have come to realize that real strength is going to work everyday, paying the mortgage on time, being the role model for my kids, doing the right thing every time and most of all - being grateful for everything I am blessed with.