22 years of sobriety in a row! How?

I got sober when I was 16 years old. I know it seems awfully young but it was precipitated by stays in 2 psychiatric hospitals, a suicide attempt/drug overdose, a 3-day coma, a halfway house and a 5 month long stay in a rehab. I did a lot of damage in a few short years. I believe the one of the biggest reasons I got sober and stayed sober is because I completely changed my identity and circumstances. I stopped hanging around with my old friends and found new ones in NA-AA. I also took a job as a maintenance man in a rehab my town. I went to a meeting everyday without fail. I joined a group that I liked and went on commitment meeting to speak at other groups. I tried to replace all my old habits with new positive ones. No it was not easy. Life still continues to be challenging at times but for the first time in my life I believe I am in a position to be able to help others. Living a productive and positive life is not as difficult as was because I did the hard work in the beginning and didn't quit when times got tough.

Grab the steering wheel.

All the circumstances that have formed my life have all changed. Everything that I know and rely on right now will change. Some folks like change, I personaly am a huge fan of change. Some folks truly dislike change, my wife being one of them. Regardless of you feelings on change it is going to happen. The real trick is to understand that you have some say in how change will happen. You can either let it happen and wait for the outcome or you can affect change by your behavior and decisions. If you keep drinking and getting high the changes will not be pretty. If you stop your destructive behavior the changes will be for the better. My father told me a hundred times; " A year from now you will be one year older. Who you are and what you are in one year is up to you". I hope someone hears that and uses it a lot quicker than I did.

Old lessons being learned again.

When I get into work every morning the first thing I do is to write in my journal. I write about what I'm grateful for, what I'm trying to achieve, and generally how I'm feeling. I also write "today I will...." and write what I'm going to do today to get me one step closer to my goals. I noticed that in trying to keep myself positive and focused daily I write things that sound an awful lot like the bumper stickers I refused to put on my car. I've been sober for quite a while now and have had a chance to hear a bunch of different views and philosophies on sobriety and success and you know, they all seem very similar. I guess in my long rambling manner I'm saying that all the things I have heard in meetings and all the sayings I've grown numb to, have great meaning to people when they need it. I had forgotten about "One day at a time". With the stresses of running my businesses and trying to be the best husband and father I can, it seems that "One day at a time has more meaning to me now than it did when I first got sober. Whatever you get meaning and support from, grab hold of it and wear it out. Life changes so much so fast that sometimes I find myself back at the beginning. Thanks for listening.

I'm clean and sober... now what?

Have you been clean and sober for some time now, maybe a year or so? Are you wondering what’s next? In my case it was at about ten years of sobriety when I realized that there had to be more finally being happy than just not using. After ten years of sobriety I was still living in a crappy apartment, working at a job I didn’t want and living paycheck to paycheck.

While I was completely grateful for my sobriety and fortunate for the help I received, I wanted to continue grow and achieve. I knew life could be better but I didn’t know how. I sure enough knew what I didn’t want, the crappy apartment, the dead end job and being dead broke. If you asked me what I did want I couldn’t tell you anything of consequence. Sure I wanted lots of money and things but I couldn’t really come up with anything meaningful. Why hadn’t I ever thought this through?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized how little thinking I had been doing. After much pondering ‘What do I want?’ led to many other questions. In the end I realized there are 5 basic questions that I needed to answer before I could determine my new path in life. The first and foremost question being Who Am I?

Have you ever really though about that? What a tough question! Do you define yourself by what you do or how you behave? Or is it who you think others believe you are? Give it some thought. I’d love to know what you think. Be sure to add your comment.

You can read about all 5 questions and how I answered them by visiting the website for my new book “Sober Conversation”

Thank you!

More people are buying my book online than I expected. Thank you very much! Keep it coming - Who do you know that is struggling with an addiction and needs some help finding recovery? Buy them the book. www.SoberConversation.com
Aaron M. Duke

Remembering.

Here is a link to an organization named Volunteers of America. It contains a brief article about my stay at Project Rebound 22 years ago. This is where I first understood that I need to do more than just stop using drugs and alcohol. I was in this program for nearly six months and have been clean and sober since. I try to speak with the young men that are there now as often as possible and that is what inspired me to write "Sober Conversation"

Aaron M. Duke