How Well do You Deal with Change?

All the circumstances that have formed my life have all changed. Everything that I know and rely on right now will change. Some folks like change, I personaly am a fan of change. Some folks truly dislike change, my wife being one of them. Regardless of you feelings on change it is going to happen. The real trick is to understand that you have some say in how change will happen. You can either let it happen and wait for the outcome or you can affect change by your behavior and decisions. If you keep drinking and getting high the changes will not be pretty. If you stop your destructive behavior the changes will be for the better. My father told me a hundred times; " A year from now you will be one year older. Who you are and what you are in one year is up to you". I hope someone hears that and uses it a lot quicker than I did.

A Little History

I got sober when I was 16 years old. I know it seems awfully young but it was precipitated by stays in 2 psychiatric hospitals, a suicide attempt/drug overdose, a 3 day coma, a halfway house and a 4 month stay in rehab. I did a lot of damage in a few short years. I believe the one of the biggest reasons I got sober and stayed sober is because I completely changed my circumstances. I stopped hanging around with my old friends and found new ones in NA-AA. I also took a job as a maintenance man in a rehab my town. I went to a meeting everyday without fail. I joined a group that I liked and went on commitment meeting to speak at other groups. I tried to replace all my old habits with new positive ones. No it was not easy. Life still continues to be challenging at times but for the first time in my life I believe I am in a position to be able to help others. Working my program is not as much work as it used to be because I did the hard work in the beginning and didn't quit because it was hard. My higher power has dealt me my cards. What becomes of them is up to me. Thanks for listening to me babble!

I Forgot About Being Human!

If you have read any of my blogs I'm sure you noticed that I'm generaly a positive optimistic person. I try to be the guy who will look for reasons that something CAN be done as opposed to why it Can't be done. I can usually maintain a positive outlook. But sometimes despite my best efforts I just get down. I have had a very grumpy couple of days. Then I start to put pressure on myself to snap out of it. I don't like being grumpy in front of my employees. I feel it is my job to lead by example and motivate them. The more pressure I put on myself the worse I feel. Eventually I come to my senses and realize that I am just a lowly human. Life is what life is and there's only so much I can control. It's O.K. to be bummed out for no good reason. As soon as I remember this I usually lighten up and I am back to being myself. It is amazing how I seem to forget that I'm human and give myself a lot more importance than I'm due.

Something has Changed!

The last year has been very good for me. I have had some business challenges that made me want to quit and walk away and some personal issues as well. I hyave been extremely busy and get frustrated from time to time with all I have to do. I was talking with my wife over the weekend and realized that things have been hectic but everything has gone real well. We have achieved a bunch of stuff together this year all with a smile on our faces! I thought; why have things gone so well? Why when faced with more than we have been in the past, why have we risen instead of sinking? It's because we have changed. My wife and I agreed that we were happy and were grateful as hell for all we have and our wonderful family. (we have 2 boys ages 6 & 7 that are such great kids!)But we decided we wanted to live better more fulfilling lives. There has to more than work and money! We took the time to ask what would really makes HAPPY not just occupied. We asked ourselves what it would take to make that happen and took the first steps. We know it will take time and constant improvement but we're doing more and living more and are doing it with a smile on our faces. Just deciding to do something was the best step we have taken. I have more patients with my boys and gotten a little clearer on what is really important. I sincerely hope that all my fellow addicts and alcoholics can not only get sober and repair their lives but see all the amazing things that are waiting to be found by them.

When The Hell Did This Happen?

Much as my addiction started slowly and crept up to bite me in the ass, I have over time become regimented, anal retentive and impatient. I never noticed it happening. I have had some unexpected house guests as of late and while I am grateful to be in a position to help them, it has illustrated how I have grown so very accustomed to having my own way! Given my unstable past I always prided myself on my ability to work with change or "roll with the punches". That is not the case anymore! Isn't it amazing how things can change right under your nose and you either don't notice or refuse to notice?

Give Me One Good Reason!

We are all painfully aware of all of the bad things that can happen to us if we continue drinking and doing drugs. We have been reminded a thousand times of the destruction and loss that comes with refusing to stay sober. I knew I was ruining my life and the lives of people who love me, but that didn't stop me. When was the last time anyone thought about all the great things that can happen when you are sober? I hear all the war stories and tragedies at meetings but nobody ever follows up those stories with all the incredible things that have happened to them since they have gotten sober. Wouldn't it be nice to hear more success stories that came from people who nearly didn't make it? I'll speak for myself in saying that I absolutely had to do the 12 steps in order to put myself in a position to remain sober. Having goals and ambitions is an enormous part of my staying sober. Being sober and waiting around for time to pass is a killer for me. I thrive on being positive and working toward goals. I love helping people that want help. There is more than enough negativity out there. I would love to see more blogs that can encourage newcomers to get and stay sober. It seems to me it is easier to run to something good than to run from something bad! - Just one sober guy's opinion.

Time to Quit Whining!

As does everyone on the planet, I find myself being a little ungrateful and whiny from time to time. I have the same stresses as the rest of the human race and overall I have a fantastic life. I have an amazing wife, great kids, great business and fun hobbies. I recently bought my first new car I have ever had. A shiny new BMW. I instantly got into an accident in my new car. I whined and moaned for two days. In the middle of my little temper tantrum my sister-in law shows up at my door with her three kids. She has been keeping her regular beatings by her alcoholic husband a secret until now. After he threatens to burn the house down with her and the kids in it and then smashes all the phones in the house she makes a break for my house with her kids in tow. After a stressful weekend of trying to settle down the poor kids and setting up our house for them to stay I realized what an ungrateful spoiled bastard I can be. I'm worried about a luxury item while my sister-in law is trying to stay alive. I love that we have sober blogs and that I have the opportunity to confess my stupidity to all of you. It helps me gain perspective and keep my ass in line. Thank you for listening!

My Inability to Understand My Friends

Don't get me wrong, my friends are decent people and I care for them greatly. I have a few however who aren't getting the program very well. They know they have a problem and have openly admitted it, but can't seem to summon the strenght or the desire to move forward. I know this is a disease but there has to be some personal responsibility involved in getting better. Stopping your intake of drugs and alcohol is only the first in many steps needed. Even after completing the 12 steps and getting my life on a positive track, I still have to deal with life as it may be. It is difficult and painful to watch good, loving and decent people that have a ton to offer the world live in a prison of their own design. Perhaps I have forgotten what it is like to be in the grips of drugs and alcohol?

Happy Happy Joy Joy

I am so happy that I began and continue down the path of personal growth. the people, techniques and ideas I have been exposed to over the last year have really help shape my life in a positive and constructive nature. While it has been difficult at times and required constant vigilence, I have seen the results in my attitude and relationships. I am grateful as hell to be sober for as long as I have and grateful that I recognized that the need for improvement is life long. Thank you to all of the positive genuine people I have met and worked with. I hope your influence reaches those who have not yet recieved it.

Powerless

It is amazing how I never have life figured out. Every time I think I have something figured out I realize that life changes so fast and so often, that I can only hope to continue learning and admit that somethings I can't figure out. Some situations, people and events are completely out of my control and I ought to spend more time using the serenity prayer and moving on. After 20 years of sobriety I'm back to embracing the fundamentals. Aint life a picnic?!

Thank You!

I never really stop to appreciate all the people and things that are in my every day life. This is sadly true about my family. Don't get me wrong, I try to be the best father and husband I can. When I'm not working I'm at home with them. I'm talking about truly appreciating the people that they are. I have 2 fantastic boys. Alex is 5 and Nathan is 7. They are full of energy, curiosity and amazingly still think I'm the greatest thing around. They are both smart and funny and genuinely want to make you happy. Then there's my wife. She's an incredible mother, holds a great job, she's beautiful, athletic, loving and smart. She's doing her first triathlon this year and sometimes I watch her ride away on her new bike and think I can't believe that's my wife! I better not screw this up because I'll never get this lucky again. I hope you have someone or or a group of someones that help you understand how fortunate you are. Just one man's opinion.

Expectations

Have you heard the old saying "Be careful what you wish for it may come true"? I'll be damned it it isn't right on target. I'll preface this by saying that life is life. Sometimes bad stuff happens. Sometimes you have absolutely no control on people and events. With that being said, I have worked very hard over the past 9 months to change my attitude and default way of thinking. I have carried around with me the beliefs that I had when I was a sixteen years old and drinking and getting high. Back then I didn't expect anything good to happen. I usually assured myself of back situations with my bad decisions. Now I'm 37 years old. I have a wife, 2 kids, I own my own business and my decisions are much more responsible. I have noticed that over the past 9 months of expecting things to go well and being focused on how I will be happy and have the life I want, things actually have gone well! Someone told me a while back that "We travel the path of our expectations." Where is your path leading you?

Great Experience!

I recently had the opportunity to visit the rehab I graduated from in March of 1987. I was the the very first resident and then the first graduate of the program. I was amazed to find the same furniture was still there with my name and date carved into the arm of the chair. It was alittle spooky being back there after so long, but they treated me very kindly. I spoke with the director of the program and several people of the company that runs it. They explained how the program works and I told them about how it has grown since I was there. After talking for about an hour and having a tour of the facility they brought all of the residents into the common room. The director introduced me and let me address the guys. It is an adolescent program for boys ranging from 15 to 18 years old. It was like going back in time looking at them. I used to sit in that exact same chair and wait for whoever was speaking to shut the hell up so I can go back to my room! I spoke to them for about 15 minutes. Most of them had no questions or any reaction at all. A couple of them wouldn't have noticed if I was on fire. But 2 of them seemed mildly interested. The staff working there were thrilled to have me there. It was like being a small time celebrity. I listened to the staff remind them of all the horrible fates that awaited them if they didn't get their act together. I'm sure these kids were well aware of this by now. I know I heard daily about how I was going to end up homeless then dead on the side of the road. I respectfuly acknowledged the comments of the staff as entirely possible, but asked the kids if they have ever considered all of the amazing and great things that may happen to them if they get their shit together. How many of us ever considered that while in rehab? I sure didn't. I'll speak for myself insaying that getting sober is absolutely necessary and much easier to achieve if I have some positive goals and ambitions to go along with the threat of impending doom. In short, the opportunity to visit these kids and try to impart a positive message hopefuly helped them but absolutely helped me appreciate what I have, who I have, and all of the fantastic things waiting for me to find them. It was great to get some perspective. Good luck everyone!