I recently received a polite yet angry email from a gentleman named Dean (his last name was included in his email address but for reasons of anonymity I will not reveal it) who was very upset that I am "blatantly disrespecting the traditions of the program". He was referring to tradition 11 concerning personal anonymity and not mentioning that I am or have been a member of a 12 step group. He wouldn't elaborate on how or where my offense had taken place. I can only assume that he read my book, read my blog or my Sober Conversation Facebook page. He was upset enough to email me about it and wanted to know why I think I'm special and don't have to follow the rules.
This got me thinking about a few things. The first of which is that if no one ever mentioned that they were in recovery, I would not have had the pleasure of reading multiple books about people's experiences in recovery. Nor would I be able to gain insight and support from the hundreds, perhaps thousands of recovery blogs available to me not to mention articles in magazines and Tom Arnold speaking about recovery in Hollywood on Larry King Live. Would it be preferable to only speak of recovery in clandestine meetings that you can't speak of once you leave the building? It's certainly no secret that this nation has a huge problem with addiction, should one of the possible solutions be kept a secret?
Another point Dean's email brought up is the intolerance of some regarding how I maintain my recovery. I've been clean and sober for over 25 years now. I don't attend regular meetings (oops, there I go again mentioning the 12 step program) though I do occasionally speak at the rehab I graduated from. I don't speak about the program, the steps, traditions or how they should find recovery but I do tell them of my experiences and what keeps me sober. So if I don't go to meetings and I don't follow the traditions does it mean that my 25 years aren't valid years of sobriety and that I have no business speaking to anyone about recovery? Am I just a delusional "dry drunk" only moments from relapse because I have done it differently than Dean? If this is true then Dean and others like him will have a full time job monitoring other people's recovery. I certainly hope this doesn't distract them from theirs.
Aaron M. Duke
My interpretation of the 11th step is to discover the plan your 'higher power' has for your life and to carry it out. The 12th step then says to share this discovery with others. "... to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs." To me this means a person finds what works for them, and shares this knowledge with others. Something I feel you do excellently.
ReplyDeleteArron, I sort of struggled with the "anonymous" thing myself. Then I listened to some audio of some of the old timers, decided that the basic idea of being anonymous was not to "out" someone else who was in the program. OR any other program.
ReplyDeleteNOT to keep our happiness and sobriety a secret.
If someone else want's to keep what they're doing to themselves, it's up to the individual.
AA is a *wonderful* program and has saved the lives of many. I have *created* a "program" for myself based on what I need to stay sober. I have a therapist, go to AA meetings, attend WFS, have a centering prayer practice, attend wisdom schools, and use a mindfulness based relapse program.
ReplyDeleteIf you really read the big book , it has *amazing* depth for it's time. AA was a program of dynamism. In my humble, opinion it has become a dogma... "you have to do this"... which means that it have lost the dynamism of giving and receiving, and the energetic exchange of it all.
The 11th tradition is there to protect oneself from the stigma of alcoholism. So, to "out" oneself fits the 11th Tradition if it is not used to promote AA... it's a public policy not an individual policy... "public" is the word used.
Another similar misunderstood dogma is "I am an alcoholic" which is intended to remind ourselves of something that our brain talks us out of. Instead, it is used as identification... this is who I am... kit and caboodle.
nice blog... just found it... staying "anonymous" for now `~}
I completely agree with you, people would not be as successful at their recovery if they did not share with others. I personally find a lot of help from talking to others who have had similar recovery stories as mine. It is a great way to connect and to not feel so alone in your struggles. I just wanted to share a great recovery website that I came across: http://onlineceucredit.com/edu/social-work-ceus-gb. I recommend that people check it out because it has been really helpful in my own recovery.
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